I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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