would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
