I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
