so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
