That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
