I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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