eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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