I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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