it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
