A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
