I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
