How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
