i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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