Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
