The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
