Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
