friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
