Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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