She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
