margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
