I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
