Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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