We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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