Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
