when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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