Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
