You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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