you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
