Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
