he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
