she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
should my penis look like a turkey
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
