Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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