Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
