Is it because I queefed?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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