I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
