Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
