R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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