i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
