We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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