fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
