i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
