I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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