I cannot find my penis.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
