You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
