He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
