I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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