shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
