the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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