i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
there is glitter all over my balls
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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