Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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