once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
