Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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