he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
