He is an equal opportunity slut.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
