I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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