He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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