I smell stomach acid.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
