You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
