Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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