Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How does one acquire holy water?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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