do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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