I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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