I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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