I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
