You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
