Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
