went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
