That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
