Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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