i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
