i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
