great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
