in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
