I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
