we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
