Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
