What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
