I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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