MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
