If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
