if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
